Outfoxed: My Son is a Swiper Sympathizer

Swiper, Dora and Boots. Why can’t my son be like every other boy and like the monkey?

If you don’t have children in your life ages 2-5, then take solace in the fact that you’ve not yet been introduced to Dora the Explorer. It’s not the most annoying children’s TV show, but do you want to hang out with someone you describe as “not the most annoying person you know”?

Enter gratuitous nice things about show here: it’s educational, teaches Spanish, blah, blah, blah (I wonder how you say “blah, blah, blah” in Spanish?).

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, my dilemma— my son loves bad guys. And I’m not reading into anything. I believe “I love bad guys,” were his exact words. In this case, it’s Swiper the fox, Dora’s nemesis, who’s always getting in the way of her adventures and “swiping” things to slow her down.

Jed has now taken to grabbing things out of our hands or off the counters, holding them up to us and saying Swiper’s catch phrase, “You’re tooooo late!” Then he tosses them into the air, behind the couch, across the room. I still can’t find my comb.

I’ve tried to explain to him that swiping is the same thing as stealing and that stealing is very bad. He smiles. If this is a phase, at least he’s getting it out of his system now and not when he’s 15 and could arguably be tried as an adult. At his sports camp, the coach asks the kids to put their hands on their heads to get their “sporty stamps” on the tops of their hands. But when she says, “Jed, put your hands on your head,” all I can see are sirens flashing behind him and cuffs clinking around his wrists. Cringe. 

He was the sweetest boy, Officer. Until he started watching that Dora.